600 - Forward - The 2012 Word

It didn't take a whole lot of digging into my subconscious to realize that I have been putting off writing this post, the 600th. Every one hundred posts, I review how things are going and determine if I am accomplishing what I had hoped to accomplish and if I'm heading in the right direction. Re-reading the 500th post, it's apparent how bland and lost I felt at that time and one hundred posts later things were pretty much the same and that wasn't something I wanted to write about so I delayed. In retrospect, this is good.

In January, I wrote about my word for the year. I had to re-read that post to remember what it was - what they were - inspire and improve. That post sounds just a little too cheery, as if I wanted to look forward to this year of not being in business but wasn't totally sold on the idea or had no understanding of how to go about it. Either could be true and I don't know. How I really felt that day is overshadowed but the rest of the year. What I know for certain is that things didn't go the way I'd hoped they would.

Someone over the past year posted a comment predicting that I would be back in business within six months. My initial reaction was definitely not me because I was enjoying the pressure away from being "for sale" and producing what "they" wanted. Although I'm still enjoying that lack of pressure, there were many positive aspects to being in business that worked for me which is why, at the end of 2011 heading into 2012, I am once again in business. It's just another reminder to never say never.

Last Thursday, I went for coffee with one of the women from Fabricland who has always been friendly, encouraging, and supportive. She believes that I'm incredibly creative and would be successful at most anything I chose to do. How lovely to have someone believe in you like that and how heavy. After we'd talked about the non-return to hair styling, she kept offering ideas - what about this, what about that - to which I responded by listing off all the reasons why that approach wouldn't work for me. It was uncomfortable and frustrating and just the push I needed for Picking A Path - jewelry.

Over the past year, the thought of making jewelry is the only thing that has tickled my mind with any continuity. A week later, it's a relief to be even more excited about the concept and to not have changed my mind or adjusted my belief in this decision. It feels right and that's just fabulous after the kind of year I've been having - the kind where I'm falling apart in public - the kind that is NOT. PRETTY.

A few months ago, I researched the idea of jewelry with the owner of a gallery that carried my textile work. The outline of how she thought I should approach the business was not one that I wanted to follow and because I valued her opinion, I'd decided not to go there. Now, while still valuing her opinion, I'm going to do it my way. I'm not interested in following the latest trends and trying to give people what I think they want, I'm interested in creating the pieces of my heart and in trusting that I'm not so unusual that someone somewhere won't like my work. Having made that decision, my mind is dancing with ideas and I can hardly wait to start putting them together. I have a lot to learn and it's a huge relief. I am SO HAPPY to be going into the new year with this energy.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. - Thoreau

YEARS ago, I made a decision to concentrate on things to do with fibre rather than work in multiple mediums. It's a decision that helped me to solidly develop my skills. It was good and now it's time for change. While I want fabric to be an integral part of the jewelry I create, I'm approaching it from the perspective of things that can be combined with textiles. I'm learning a new medium - polymer clay - and it's energizing, exciting, giddy, dancing inside, pure joy to be reading about, and learning, and watching videos on, and beginning to play with this new ingredient which - from what I can tell - is as never ending and possibility filled as fabric is. The two look like a good combination and one that will remove me from the rut I've been in and move me forward - my word for 2012 - forward - as in letting go of the old and moving in new and positive directions. YES YES!

Speaking of moving, I've started packing. Not because our house is sold but because our house is going to sell. Making a decision to pick a path and walk in that direction with my work felt so positive that I'm taking the same approach with moving. We are. It's a matter of time. Packing shows my commitment and my openness for God to enable in this area. I have given up on attempting to be patient. It's not my strong suit. Instead, I'm living in expectation and moving confidently in that direction even though...

... the condo we thought was our number one choice has sold and the condo we thought was our number two choice has sold and the condo we thought was our number three choice has sold and we're not really sure which choice is which anymore but we are going to re-look at two places tomorrow. One has a separate kitchen in the basement with an oven that would be perfect for polymer clay, so perfect that I wonder if there's a message in there for me. If so, we need not only a sale but an incredible buy because right now, that house is out of our price range BUT... God is able... and what a lovely Christmas present that would be.

See those lime green markers. They're important. This knitting project starts with five stitches and increase four stitches on every right side row until the desired length which is roughly 156 rows later plus the initial rows plus the border rows which comes out to something over 650 stitches. I tried knitting without the markers and kept forgetting one or more of the increases and had rip back and knit over. I finally wised up and used the markers. They remind me that I'm supposed to be doing something when I see them - something beyond simply sliding them over and continuing on knitting.

I see the 100th, 200th, 300th, 400th, 500th, and now 600th postings on my blog in a very similar way. They're markers that remind me to stop, look, see, and adjust as necessary. It's been a long haul. It was the summer of 2009 when things started going sideways and for much of the past two and half years I have not felt like myself. I'm grateful for those markers. I'm grateful to be reaching this latest one in a more positive frame of mind. I'm grateful for those who have stuck with me and have supported and encouraged me through some really rough years. Thank you.

So long ago that I'm not even going to try and find the link, I started knitting a summer sweater from a hand dyed, bamboo yarn. Once the sweater was knit up, it was obvious that one of the skeins was not dyed identically to the other two and contained a much brighter pink. It didn't work even when I tried mixing up the skeins and knitting alternate rows so - as often happens with my knitting - the yarn ended up back in balls in the drawer. In the "marker" image above, this same yarn is combined with a plain black and knit as one creating a stained glass-like look. It has potential.

My ability to see potential creates tremendous difficulties in my stash. I see and I buy and I have far more than I need. Thankfully, I also have limits or I can't imagine how much stuff there would be in my studio. The packed boxes above are mostly fabric. There are many more. Three are yarn. Three boxes of yarn is a lot for an occasional knitter. I plan to stay out of yarn stores and fabric stores for a while to avoid purchasing more potential. I'll look for it somewhere else because seeing potential is a tremendous gift. It's one I developed in the fall of 2004 when I took a year to concentrate on moving my textile career forward and learned to begin without knowing what the end product would look like and to create without expectations of success or failure but simply to see what might happen. What if became one of my favourite questions and has made me far more creative than I ever was before.

In the past, when the sweater didn't work out, I would have thrown away the yarn and worried about the waste. Instead, I saved the balls because I knew that eventually the answer would appear. That's how I feel heading into the next year. There's so much to learn about jewelry and clay and combining clay and fibre and it's okay. It's all potential. By letting go of expectations and embracing play, I can move forward into new and uncharted, friendly but challenging, inspiring, stretching, and growing territory.

I'm knitting the Boneyard Shawl designed by Stephen West and offered as a free pattern on Ravelry or his blog. In the instructions, he says it'll look good in any weight or fibre. This is not the typical old lady kind of shawl. As you can see, it drapes nicely around his neck and I really like...

... this version of Euterpe's made from handspun yarn. It's fabulous. Mine will be a little thicker. I'm hoping it'll be the spring and fall kind of shawl that you can wrap in some elegant and sophisticated way about your shoulders while out for a walk or shopping. That's the plan anyway. What I like about the plan is that I have an idea, I'm walking in that direction, I'm willing to see what happens, and I'll adjust to what comes my way because while I have a goal in mind, I'm not married to the results. I plan to learn from them and move on. And that's a wonderful way to be feeling as I write this 600th post, move into a new year, and approach turning fifty. LIFE. IS. GOOD.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - markers