The paragraph above is from the introduction and the one below is from chapter seven of Barbara Sher's book It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now. When I first started reading this book, I thought she belaboured aging anxiety and it annoyed me and I stopped reading. I picked up the book again when I ran out of reading material and it's getting much better as I go along although it's taking FOREVER to get to the how-to of this how-to book... or at least the how-to part I'm the most interested in.
"Believe it and you can achieve it!" I can't tell you how many times I hear that exhortation and others like it: "You create your own reality" or "The only limits are the limits of your imagination." Catchy phrases, but if you fall for them, you're back in a narrow narcissistic focus where you care nothing for fate, weather, or the stock market, much less your own emotional needs. When you've sold yourself that bill of goods, you lose your respect for reality and become intoxicated with the illusion of your own potential. Rather than deafen your fears with drums and trumpets to go after your goals, you'll be better off discovering what's real. Instead of hiding your uncertainty by shouting out your own grandiosity, relax and began to listen to what you have learned: Reality is bigger than you are. And that's the way it is. Nothing to sulk about. In fact, only now can you become receptive, respectful, even curious. Only now can you really begin to learn. As any mountain climber will tell you, your chances for success increase when you respect your obstacles.
There seems no point to being afraid of aging. It's inevitable. Rather than deny it or attempt to avoid it, I'd prefer to do it well, which is why I bought the book. Barbara puts her finger right on feelings that she says are ever so common to midlifers that I thought were just mixed up me. That's reassuring in some ways and not so much when you think that your entire peer group is going through this. It's like re-visiting those hormonal teenage years... again... yes... just like that.
In just the right light, from exactly the right angle, you can see the relief of the quilt underneath on this tightly quilted fabric. Life is so like that. Our present is built on layers of our past. Before, I'd have thrown this piece away and started over because those relief lines marred the surface. Now, I think of them as wisdom wrinkles and smile lines. They're real. They tell a deeper story. And even though I may be the only one who knows the story, that's okay.
This image is of two piece of fabric overlapped. The section on the left is quilted with red thread in long straight lines. The section on the right is quilted in green thread in curving lines. Same fabric. Different results. Neither is wrong. They simply offer different perspectives.
It's so easy to get caught up in trying to find one right answer when often there isn't just one. That's been good learning. At this point in my life, I make most of my decisions based on what I know for sure I don't want to do and I test out the possibilities of the other options. You never know.
This morning, I'm going for a mammogram. When I booked the appointment, I made it early because I'd hoped to be going to work afterward. Instead, I'm going for a workout. LOL - life.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - mammograms
I read Barbara Sher's book, "Wishcraft" about 25 years ago. It had so much meaning then that I saved it. It's only been collecting dust since. If I read it again, I might find it ridiculous. I so much of the appropriateness of "book wisdom" depends upon a person's state of mind at the time. With that said, I agree with you about the the "catchy phases" and your philosophy about reality. Hope you had a good workout!
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