Very Sad Knitting

Don't you love synchronicity? I think it's amazing how observations and conversations connect to bring us what we need. While the bottom line of my decision to close the business is that I can't afford to continue, the other deciding factor for me was the question of "for how long will I put off what is possible today for what might happen tomorrow?" I started thinking about this a lot last week.

This week, there has been a discussion on one of the knitting groups that I belong to about living in the moment. It started when a woman brought some very high end knitting into the local yarn shop of one of the members saying, "I knit these and I don't remember how. Can you teach me to knit?" The woman had suffered a brain injury. As often happens when a topic like this comes up, numerous similar stories have been posted.

Another was told about a woman who was extremely intelligent and then she'd had repeat surgeries for a malignant brain tumor and went from speaking seven languages to not remembering how to knit a simple cap for a newborn. With daily assistance, she set a goal to, and knit, a dozen caps re-learning the skills with each one. She died shortly after delivering them to a shelter.

Yesterday, the sun came out and I went for a walk. Walking is a wonderful way to resolve questions and think through ideas. My mind was still in terms of the business, which was unusual and - if I'm completely honest - a relief. Although I loved what I did, right now, I want to be done and to let go of those internal conversations to make room for new ones.

Instead, my mind was hopping with ideas for knitted and sewn garments and for decor items and art for my home. Over the years, so many of these ideas have been put off. It was fabulous to welcome them and to allow that flow in my life again. YES YES!

As I got closer to home, I realized that I wanted to transition the studio from a place of work to a place of personal creativity right now and not wait. After making such a huge decision, it seemed that I should do something to symbolize the change rather than continuing on with the line and shape pieces. I'd be doing the same thing and expecting different results. That never works.

SO... I am taking some "Myrna time". The line and shape pieces are at a stage where they can be put aside, easily returned to, and finished in plenty of time for the exhibit. That's what I've done. I packaged them up and then I pulled out a pattern and some fabric and started sewing myself a blouse. Ta da!




It's been a year this month since my classes at QuiltUniversity.com ended. The abrupt finish was a complete shock. It has taken all of this time - and a roller coaster of emotions - for me to adjust to the new reality. I have incredible empathy for anyone who has found themselves in a similar situation. It's very tough.

At first, I thought I could carry on doing similar things in a new way and then the economy went sideways. At the same time, I realized that there were some things - like traditional quilting - that I no longer wanted to do. It seemed the perfect time for changes so I retired from traditional quilting in March fully intending to continue writing and teaching about art and textile art in particular. And then, even more changes were needed.

THANK YOU so much for sticking with me through this roller coaster of emotions. I have appreciated your support. At times, I have felt like I am falling apart in public, vulnerable and exposed, and constantly changing my mind. This is so unlike me that it created even more stress. It hasn't always been pretty. I hope - pray - have all body parts crossed - that this struggle is now over.

Closing the business means moving in new directions. The difficulty I see is that the new direction includes the same components of the old one (fabric, thread, paint, etc) and so it's a new way of thinking that is required as opposed to new activities. However, from now on, I expect that my creativity will be personal and that my paid work will be away from home and quite different. You never know.

Perhaps I'll return to "for sale" creativity at some point. It's possible although highly unlikely at any time in the near future. As this door closes, I fully expect God to open a new one and I'm excited to see what that opportunity will be and how it will utilize my skills and abilities AND a regular paycheque would be lovely too - LOL!

I appreciate that many of you would like me to continue blogging. I still don't have an answer from the insurance company because my agent is on holidays. From a personal perspective, I don't know if I can continue. It'll be a tug of war because I - LOVE - TO - WRITE. There is a part of me that really wants to continue and a part of me that isn't sure I can and still make the mental shift that is needed. We'll see what happens.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful: knowing that change can be both hard and positive at the same time and that good things await me