The Final Put Down

The weather has turned damp and grey. It's not cold enough to snow and there's very little sunshine which means it's not the cheeriest of weather but just perfect for reading and knitting and sitting by the fire contemplating life which is something I'm sure many of us have done as a result of Hurricane Sandy. That kind of weather tends to make you think.

After saying I rarely take sewing breaks, it seems I'm in the middle of one. I've spent less than an hour in the studio in the last two weeks. Mostly, I've been knitting.

The little sweaters are not sewn together. After blocking, they were packed into individual bags and now sit... expectantly... with nothing happening... while I've started and finished the brown scarf above and am now working on the blue one. Same needles. Same stitch. Different yarn. Different results. No assembly required. They're gifts for my acupuncturist and her husband for Chinese New Year.

The stitch is six rows of which three are pattern and three are purl. The pattern rows are combinations of eight stitches starting with one then two then three stitches before a yarn over. It's easy to memorize, easy to follow, and makes a lovely scallop.

I often describe my character as endlessly loyal - until I'm done - and when I'm done, I'm done. I can regurgitate some thing for seemingly forever until for whatever reason I manage to put it down and leave it down. How I wish I could identify those final factors. It would save tremendous amounts of time and angst except that enough time and enough angst seem to be the final factors.

At least I recognize the end when it happens. I did pick "it" up again ever so briefly although I put it down so fast my head spun. That's hopeful. If life eventually goes in that direction again, it'll be a total surprise to me because I'm 99.99999 into infinity % positive that I'm at the end - the final put down - of any possibility of creativity as a career and SO done thinking about that. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES !

The thing we cling to is the thing that controls us. It was clear that I needed to detach.

This quote is from Rhoda Janzen's book Does This Church Make Me Look Fat. It's most definitely not a book on career planning and yet that's the direction my thoughts went in when I read that line and the rest of the day confirmed it.

Journalling at Starbucks, I read in Matthew 6 - Give your entire attention to what God is doing now and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. I'd been worrying about that.

At Costco, I ran into a glass artist who lives up the road from me. In our conversation, he mentioned how tough the year has been, that the customers at the various shows he's done have been buying not much and nothing expensive, and that he and numerous other artists are having difficulty just recovering their expenses never mind making a profit. Since I have no desire to be a starving artist or to work long and endless hours for nothing, that was good - confirmational - information.

Back home, there was an email from the gallery owner who has the purses stating that as much as everyone has loved and admired them at the last three exhibits, none sold. She too went on to say that customers were buying not much and nothing expensive - the now familiar refrain. She's sending the purses back. When they arrive, I plan to sort through and make decisions about each one individually and then post the remainder for sale at 50% off PLUS shipping. If you're interested, the purses are in this post and the prices in this one. Just email me at the address in the sidebar.

Significant change always make me want to clean. Perhaps it's some out with the old and in with the new kind of thing. A changing of the guard. Either way, I finally made it down into the laundry room and unpacked the dyeing and painting supplies into the new cupboards and soon - hopefully this week - I'll go through the studio and stash closet and do some more sorting and clearing although this week seems pretty busy already including writing up my study plans for the residency next fall, applying for a job ! ! ! ! ! and deciding what to sew for an interview outfit.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - final put downs and the end of angst