Three months ago today, I arrived home from the retreat in Ashland with some plans - A and B. Although I wasn't expecting it to happen, it would have been lovely if plan A had been possible. It wasn't and that meant some significant changes in many areas of my life, particularly in relationships and finances.
Going forward, I needed an engaging project and a way to generate cash flow so I decided to start the bag business but deep down, I was afraid it wouldn't work. As I said in an earlier post, I hadn't felt like myself in a long time and starting, stopping, changing, and quitting so many things in the last decade had left me feeling insecure, unconfident, and not knowing. The old me, absolutely yes she could do it. The current me, I wasn't so sure.
This morning, I'm taking a minute to celebrate that not only am I still doing the work, I have made significant progress. And I'm having fun. And I feel like I'm on the right path. Am I'm growing and stretching and learning. And it's a huge relief to feel just a little bit more like myself again. A little bit. There's a long way to go and I want that feeling to continue to improve.
After a difficult start at another site, I was able to develop my new website in Wix.com. When I was so frustrated that I was in tears, I fully intended to hire someone but couldn't find the right person at the right price and then, when a little niggle suggested going back to Wix, I did and it worked and YES YES! It's a God thing. I'm grateful.
For the site, I created a logo in Affinity Designer that will also be part of the copyright information in the patterns. I had never used this program before and don't have a lot of experience with any drawing program so thankfully there were some excellent tutorials on YouTube. I am more and more grateful for YouTube every time I want to learn something new.
Also in Affinity, I learned how to draw each pattern piece, add the seam allowances, lay them out over several pages, and import them into a word file that will print them out perfectly aligned on letter size paper. I'd intended to hire someone to do these drawings and I'm glad I tried them first. It's so much easier when I can do the parts of the business myself and not have to wait on others. Right now, I'm exploring printing accurately on A4 size paper, hoping it can be done with margin settings but I don't know yet. I do know that I can figure it out.
Also in Affinity, I learned how to draw each pattern piece, add the seam allowances, lay them out over several pages, and import them into a word file that will print them out perfectly aligned on letter size paper. I'd intended to hire someone to do these drawings and I'm glad I tried them first. It's so much easier when I can do the parts of the business myself and not have to wait on others. Right now, I'm exploring printing accurately on A4 size paper, hoping it can be done with margin settings but I don't know yet. I do know that I can figure it out.
On Saturday, I re-stitched the basic tote bag and re-took the pictures. They are only okay. On Sunday, I looked through all the bag making patterns I have in stash and set aside the ones that I think have good illustrations. NONE of them were photographs. I looked at how they were drawn and I think I can manage a lot of what I need myself and perhaps only hire someone for more three dimensional images. I'd want their drawings to be in a file format that I could then manipulate in the future so I don't have to keep hiring someone for virtually the same shape.
As I was re-stitching the bag, I was able to tweak the instructions and they are now formatted in a PDF with the images and the pattern pieces - ready to be test sewn by my friend Francine who does not sew and has never made a bag which is exactly the profile I need. I'm so grateful she's willing to do this. I'll be able to see where I've not provided the information that a beginner needs but isn't obvious to me at this stage in my creative journey. And in-between, I'll keep working on new drawn images.
There is very little left to do before the first pattern is complete so I'm starting to research shooting and editing videos. To prevent any fears from holding me back, I am thinking of documenting that learning curve as part of starting my YouTube channel. My hope is that sharing my not knowing will help me move forward because I'm all about supporting and encouraging others. I know I've been looking for videos like this.
SO... the off topic part. While I'm celebrating all the work I've done on the business over the last three months, more importantly, I am celebrating the healing I am beginning to see happening within myself. If you've never felt so fragile, like glass, that you might shatter at the slightest thing, you won't be able to relate to what I'm writing but if you have, you can, and you know it's a scary place.
The situation I am working through is the long term impact of what is called a neurodiverse ASD relationship between a neurotypical person and one with Asperger's. As I've researched the topic, I'm struck by how many people are being diagnosed with Asperger's much later in life. I think that's because so much more is known about it now and therefore diagnosis are more common. It's unfortunate that help wasn't available sooner and a tremendous relief to identify the situation and what is possible.
The difficulties within the relationship are typically misunderstood by non-specialists whose advice centers around the neurotypical person adjusting and accommodating the one with Aspberger's. That's just not possible forever in everything. At the same time, it's virtually impossible to talk to a friend and feel heard or supported because unless you're living it, you don't have a clue . From the outside, it looks "normal" which can leave the neurotypical person feeling unseen, unheard, and like they don't matter and that's a downward spiral.
I wanted to link the list of symptoms on this page in case you might be dealing with something similar. If so, I have a clue what you're going through. I have 20/27 of these symptoms and that was a huge wake-up call for me. The author, Mark Hutton, has very informative videos on YouTube. It's his channel that led us to the answers we needed and what I appreciated most was his honesty - that he said outright what you don't want to and absolutely need to hear - it won't change. That has helped me tremendously as has...
... starting this new business. It's both old and new. I've done something similar before and virtually every aspect of how it is done now from software to marketing is new. I love learning and I'm enjoying figuring things out and moving forward. It's like a sewing a really great fitting pair of jeans. There's a whole lot of muslins and tweaking and then many pairs down the line... ta da... finally... you've got the pair you wanted and you can make another. I'm looking forward to the first video, the second pattern, and a different kind of on-line workshop than I've taught before, one with videos. YES YES.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - three month celebration
As I was re-stitching the bag, I was able to tweak the instructions and they are now formatted in a PDF with the images and the pattern pieces - ready to be test sewn by my friend Francine who does not sew and has never made a bag which is exactly the profile I need. I'm so grateful she's willing to do this. I'll be able to see where I've not provided the information that a beginner needs but isn't obvious to me at this stage in my creative journey. And in-between, I'll keep working on new drawn images.
There is very little left to do before the first pattern is complete so I'm starting to research shooting and editing videos. To prevent any fears from holding me back, I am thinking of documenting that learning curve as part of starting my YouTube channel. My hope is that sharing my not knowing will help me move forward because I'm all about supporting and encouraging others. I know I've been looking for videos like this.
SO... the off topic part. While I'm celebrating all the work I've done on the business over the last three months, more importantly, I am celebrating the healing I am beginning to see happening within myself. If you've never felt so fragile, like glass, that you might shatter at the slightest thing, you won't be able to relate to what I'm writing but if you have, you can, and you know it's a scary place.
The situation I am working through is the long term impact of what is called a neurodiverse ASD relationship between a neurotypical person and one with Asperger's. As I've researched the topic, I'm struck by how many people are being diagnosed with Asperger's much later in life. I think that's because so much more is known about it now and therefore diagnosis are more common. It's unfortunate that help wasn't available sooner and a tremendous relief to identify the situation and what is possible.
The difficulties within the relationship are typically misunderstood by non-specialists whose advice centers around the neurotypical person adjusting and accommodating the one with Aspberger's. That's just not possible forever in everything. At the same time, it's virtually impossible to talk to a friend and feel heard or supported because unless you're living it, you don't have a clue . From the outside, it looks "normal" which can leave the neurotypical person feeling unseen, unheard, and like they don't matter and that's a downward spiral.
I wanted to link the list of symptoms on this page in case you might be dealing with something similar. If so, I have a clue what you're going through. I have 20/27 of these symptoms and that was a huge wake-up call for me. The author, Mark Hutton, has very informative videos on YouTube. It's his channel that led us to the answers we needed and what I appreciated most was his honesty - that he said outright what you don't want to and absolutely need to hear - it won't change. That has helped me tremendously as has...
... starting this new business. It's both old and new. I've done something similar before and virtually every aspect of how it is done now from software to marketing is new. I love learning and I'm enjoying figuring things out and moving forward. It's like a sewing a really great fitting pair of jeans. There's a whole lot of muslins and tweaking and then many pairs down the line... ta da... finally... you've got the pair you wanted and you can make another. I'm looking forward to the first video, the second pattern, and a different kind of on-line workshop than I've taught before, one with videos. YES YES.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - three month celebration
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