The Promised Land

If there's something I want to do for sure each day, I need to do it first thing or other "stuff" gets in the way. It's a plan that works except when I have more than one first thing - like blogging, exercise, journal writing, reading, devotions, and regular studio time. Right now, I blog first thing and then first thing after blogging comes whatever is next. For the past week, I've been reading and journal writing. It occurred to me yesterday - as I was sitting in Starbucks writing in my journal and reading The Artist's Way - that were I to move to the townhouse that's top of our list - should we actually move that is - that I'd be almost across the street and I could walk and combine exercise with reading and journal writing and devotions. This could be good.

On Sunday, while we had to be out of the house for viewers, Howard and I drove around and looked at areas of town we had not considered living in. We don't drive around often. Some of the older areas we had not been in in years and some of the newer areas we'd never been in. We came home thinking that we were so very lucky to be living where we're living and plan to stay in this part of town.

The sun was shining while I was working in the studio yesterday. It was peaceful, calm, creative. As I patted paint, I thought about being in the land between and about the very real possibility that that's not where I am at all. It's entirely possible that I am already in the Promised Land but refused to accept this was the Promised Land because it did not come with a paycheque. The thought occurred to me as I was re-reading The Artist's Way - a twelve week guide to help blocked artists unblock.

I started reading The Artist's Way right after I read Art & Fear because I'm re-reading a whole series of art books from my shelf. I didn't consider myself a blocked artist. How could I be blocked? I'm prolific, creating work regularly, and enjoying myself daily in the studio with two series in mind to say nothing of the fashion garments I want to get back to sewing and... even so... it is possible.

It seems that I am still quite angry over some events that happened a few years ago - a whole series of yucky things that piggy backed one on top of each other and came at me so fast that I thought I'd dealt with them and now discover that perhaps I haven't. They've popped back up again and I've realized that in that pain and frustration, instead of believing that all things were possible, I decided that God has no plans to use my creativity in a real money earning way, that I'm not good enough. It's not like he told me. I decided for him even though in the past using my creativity in a real money earning way is exactly what he has done. It intrigues me that I began to think that way. Why?

I have decided to assume that I am in the Promised Land. That here and now is where I am meant to be and that it would be just wrong to not enjoy this moment fully while it is mine to enjoy. And I have decided to be open to the possibility that God may lead my creativity in a money earning direction and that he may not. I am attempting to maintain the attitude that it does not matter which because I will simply enjoy creativity as is, for now. Remind me next time I start wigging out - LOL - for I surely will. I'm like that.

Even as I say that I am open to the possibility of my creativity earning an income, I am also cautious about that very fact. There are many MANY aspects of not being in business that I enjoy thoroughly and were I to be in business again, it would certainly be structured differently. I'd really want to check my ambitions.

Melody Johnson is a retired quilt artist and instructor. She wrote a most thought provoking blog posting on Sunday. I could relate when she said... If I could disengage my ambition from quilting, I might relax and enjoy doing it, but at the moment, I am at a loss as to how to do that, although I am trying. Really trying. On the other hand, I am knitting. I am not competing to be the best knitter, only enjoying the process, figuring out the puzzle, and hopefully liking the finished product. While I knit, I think. This thinking has led me to this realization: I am satisfied, no, thrilled to be just out of the race.

Switching subjects...

Ruth V's handbag is done. It continued to refuse the possibility of purse feet and so it has none. The bamboo handles turned finicky as well. They have a small screw that holds each handle to the metal tab. As you use the handles, the screws begin to work themselves loose. It's hard not to use the handles on a purse. Howard is going to glue the screws in solid with some special kind of stuff he has out in his shop but just in case the special stuff doesn't hold forever, I will warn Ruth.

Karen's bag is next. Her hands were together at the edge of the quilt. When I separated them, I kept the edging beside them. Karen and I met when our children caught the bus at the same stop and we often went for coffee after they'd headed off to school. One frequent topic of conversation was the very different way in which we lived out our common faith. Karen has long hair worn up, always wears a skirt, never wears make-up, and if she wears any jewelry at all, it's incredibly understated. As you know, I'm not like that. I wondered what kind of bag I could make that she'd be comfortable using which is why...

... I'm so glad we ran into each other again last week and that I discovered she's sewing traditional quilts. I plan to use the strip of three quarter triangles that were in the original quilt in her bag AND... I'm making it the perfect size to hold a 18" x 24" rotary mat, rulers, rotary cutters, and a pressing board for when she goes on her next quilting retreat - like the one she just went on - which was a real luxury for a single parent although her parenting like mine has changed significantly. Her youngest graduated this past June as well.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - the Promised Land