P12-1
Origin: Guatemalan Napkins
Yesterday, I talked about a pivotal moment in my artistic journey that changed how I create art. I can pinpoint the significant shift that happened even though on the outside it may not be as clear to viewers as it is to me on the inside. That makes sense. I alone know the origin of the piece and the steps along the path of creation. I alone know the energy in the studio and how it shifted from before to after.
P12-3
Origin: Textile Art Piece
Years ago - like almost twenty - I went through a life transition that changed not only how I saw the world but how the world saw me. I know that for sure because a friend told me it was like a line in the sand. Before the line, life was angular and beige and often quite angry. After the line, life became more colorful and flowing and mostly happy. If you were to compare me after to me before you'd see the difference clearly. If you were to compare me after to others who have not experienced those events, you might still see me as beige and angular. Most of the shifts we experience in life are personal and internal. It's so important to not compare ourselves with others - and hard not to do.
P12-6
Origin: - Quilted Art Portfolio
Numerous bloggers write with great wit. Not me. I wished so badly to write with wit that I even took a workshop on writing humour only it didn't really answer the how-to question. It was so uninformative that I finally asked the instructor how do I write with humour when I'm not funny to which she replied everyone knows what's funny, just write about that. Talk about a circular non-answer. As you can tell, it did not catapult me into humor.
P12-7
Origin: Quilted Art Portfolio
It's not that I don't have a sense of humour - I do - it's just a very dry humour that relies heavily on tone and inflection. I've been learning a lot about humour over the past few years from a friend who uses it incredibly well. I've learned how to defuse situations with humour, how to be less serious and intent, and how to have more fun. Strangely, in my teens, a friend once told me you're so funny now, I wonder what it'd be like if you drank. I wasn't sure why I needed alcohol to be more funny if I was already funny although I've since learned that I was covering up hurt with funny and somewhere along the way, my funny disappeared. In retrospect, I see that humour can carry us through dark situations. It's worth practicing - even if you're not funny - until you are funny - in one of those fake it until you make it ways.
P12-8
Origin: Black Silk Dupioni Dress
The images in this posting are not prettily staged but they're not bad color wise. I took them myself. I no longer hire a photographer unless I need images for publication which - since I'm mostly not in business anymore - is mostly never.
P12-9
Origin: Denim Skirt
As requested by the gallery, the photos were taken against a white background, outside, on an overcast day to get better color. I used a digital camera. At one time, I used a film camera. I never did figure that one out and was thrilled to exchange film for digital. My camera is point and shoot. It works good and enough. Once taken, I can call the images up in a software program and rotate and crop and size them. Before, I didn't even know how to turn on a computer. In fact, I said that over my dead body would we have one of those boxes in our house. It's true. I did say that. My husband reminds me often as he's upgrading one of my two because I can't go more than ten minutes without checking my email just in case someone commented. PLEASE feel free to comment more often.
P12-10
Origin: Remnants from Bargello Textile Art Piece
The writer of one of the blogs I read took a photography workshop. And then she took another one. It's quite visible on her blog how much her images improved. Visible and so inspiring that I've signed up for a photography workshop in September. It's something I'd like to know more about and maybe one day there will be a before and after line in my photography sand too.
P12-11
Origin: Denim Jacket, Patchwork Top, Dupioni Silk Blouse, Organza Wrap
For twenty-five years, I ran a business. It was a sole proprietorship which means that unless you can afford to hire someone, you do everything. I learned so many things - like marketing and writing how-to and self publishing and illustrating and web design and teaching in-person and teaching on-line to name just a few. I remember one day in particular when I figured out how to connect the click here to buy button on my website with my PayPal account. I really, really wished that I had someone else in the office that day to share my accomplishment with. It was so exciting. Growing up, getting a good job was really important and that's what I did and I never thought I'd go from working for someone else to working for myself but I did that too and I loved it. Now, it's hard to change back. I'm not sure it's possible.
P12-12
Origin - Denim Remnants
I learned about money the hard way - the getting into serious debt that you'll never recover from in your life time kind of way. That's embarrassing to me. I'm an intelligent woman and you'd have thought I'd know better but no one taught me about money. It's not an excuse. It's reality.
P12-13
Origin - Denim Jeans and Jacket Remnants
Eventually, I educated myself. I read books - lots of books - and I developed a financial system for our home and managed it and while that learning came too late to change history, I now know a lot about money and I've taught my children what I know and I can see that they are making far wiser decisions than I ever made. If they stay on this path, their lives will be vastly different. That feels good. It's too late to be a millionaire but me too! I'm making far wiser decisions than I used to make. My view of money and instant gratification and need versus want have shifted. It's amazing what you don't actually need when you give yourself twenty-four hours to decide.
P12-14
Origin: Denim and Lace Dress Remnants
Cooking has been my nemesis for years. When I opened my business, I morphed into a workaholic and cooking was the thing that went by the wayside. We winged it and ate out a lot and I know that I am responsible for my children's poor eating habits. I hate that. No matter that it's my fault, they're now adults and this is something they will have to change on their own. You can't blame your parents forever. But what happened?
P12-15
Origin: Puzzled Jacket Remnants and Cotton Quilt Scraps
I used to cook. I even baked from scratch and grew a garden and canned fruit and made jam and Suzy Homemaker things like that. Life changed and all I know is that it seemed as if I should be able to cook but should and willing to and committed and actually doing it are vastly different things. What makes that shift?
P12-2
Origin - Silk Dupioni Dress and Guatemala Fabric Remnants
SOLD
About a month ago, when I decided not to look for outside employment for now and made the decision to save rather than earn money each day, I started cooking again. I wouldn't say I'm in love with the kitchen - I still think it's good for resale value and that's about it - BUT I've managed to make edible meals and have cooked all but two days. The boys arrive with their take-out containers and go home with leftovers. Apparently, I'm doing okay. I can tell you the day on which the shift happened. I can't tell you how it happened. Does this sound familiar? Don't you wish you knew where the magic button was?
P12-5
Origin: Quilted Art Portfolio
SOLD
On Friday, I wrote - I wonder, do we ever get to the end of a lesson or do we always relearn it in a new form? In the comments, Elle replied it seems a spiral to me, as if we keep circling around to the same lessons, but at a different level and perspective. I've thought a lot about that answer over the past few days.
If you're like me, you have a few demons you carry around. One of mine is called what's the point. It likes to show up just about the time I think I've settled a question as it did this week when I realized how little I would earn from the purses and thought about all the creative outlets I want to explore. The same demon would show up again if I abandoned selling the purses and said I planned to explore creativity for myself. I know. Been there, done that, through several spirals. It seems this demon will just find a new way to show up and we need to be friends somehow - in that love your enemies kind of way I guess.
Another demon is far more personal. It's the feeling of not belonging, of not fitting in. I'm quite outgoing. I like people. I'm insatiably curious and I can talk to just about anyone about just about anything so I wonder sometimes if it's more about how I see things than about how things see me. Am I so positive that I don't belong that I view everything through that lens? Maybe... except this demon has been around a long time, a lifetime, so I have no before and after to compare. It has its origins and similar to what's the point, it typically shows up when life is going well. I'm having difficulty embracing this familiar fr-enemy although I keep trying... and spiralling as Elle said.
I think many of us have a particular piece of baggage - or maybe even a whole set - that we drag around. Sometimes we carry them by the shoulder strap. Other times we pull out the handles and drag them behind by the wheels. Occasionally, we can set them on the conveyor belt and let them go briefly but never do they manage to get lost in transit. How typical.
The examples given illustrate that we can change and yet I still wonder is change possible because when we're longing for change, it's not in the little things, it's in the big things. What do you think?
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - finishing fourteen purses, selling two, and a fabulous learning curve
Myran, your bags are beautiful and definitely works or art. I also make handbags, but certainly not the caliber as yours. I also try to use fabric from something else to make something new. You have given me new inspiration to go above and beyond what I have been creating. Thanks for the post and keep up your beautiful work!....Anna
ReplyDeleteSorry I hit the wrong keys, I meant Myrna!....Anna
ReplyDeleteThe bags are gorgeous.I am an art to wear designer and these are top of the line.Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI think that your personal demon of not feeling that you fit in is one that most of humanity shares. The only times I do NOT feel that way are when I am in the company of my nuclear family, my mother/father/sister/brother folk, or the current batch of co-workers. Other than that, when I begin feeling complacent and "belonging," I usually look around myself and realize that I don't want to belong to any group that would have me, lol. You are right that, when humor is your crutch, humor flies out the door as soon as you aren't broken anymore.
ReplyDeleteWow! What incredibly awesome purses!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat feeling of not belonging....that's a struggle isn't it. I have many of your same characteristics....friendly, outgoing, interested in people, life, I love to learn. And yet....
I think some of that is while we may appear to be extroverts, we are really introverts. Thus the sense of not belonging. Our exterior doesn't match our interior. It's the push/pull as each side tries to dominate and neither wins.
What beautiful bags. I think 12-12 is my favourite. I'm a sucker for a purse that I can hold in my hand.
ReplyDeleteI agree with previous commenters about the struggle to fit in. I do very well in a group where no one knows anyone. If we're all strangers, I have nothing to lose and there aren't groups to fit into yet. I find it hard to insert myself into a group. If nothing else, know you aren't alone when you feel that insecurity rising.
I keep hoping that enough of the little changes in my life will add up so that one day it will 'suddenly' be the big change I've been trying to acheive for so long.
ReplyDeleteI think the bags and the photos turned out great; my fav is 12-15. I don't know what etsy charges, but might this be another outlet for you, especially if they keep less than the boutiques? So you don't get burned out on purse-making, might I suggest working on other items like pocketbooks, wallets, and fabric-based jewelry...all in the same vein you're working in now. Smaller pieces could be made faster, priced to attract people who cannot afford purses, and keep you from seeing purses in your sleep.
ReplyDeleteAs for change, I think it comes in stages, and when we're least expecting it. When I get bored or frustrated I often do something bold--like submitting a proposal, or entering a contest--just to shake things up a bit. But for the most part, it seems to be the day-to-day things we do that prepare us, or not, for the big changes that come.
Myrna, your purses are beautiful! I understand what you're saying about fitting in. I think that it's very difficult for very talented people to fit in. Others seem to admire your work but set you above themselves rather than with them.
ReplyDeleteGita
First, the purses are beautiful, each unique but with a certain style that speaks to your artistic interpretation.
ReplyDeleteI think that once you recognize that your feelings and insights are actually the norm, it will be easier to feel more comfortable with your life cycles, your social self, and your private thoughts. Appreciate your self as it is now but just be careful not to spend too much time over-thinking and ruminating. A colleague and I jokingly use a little comment that provides a perspective to our own over-thinking...He will say to me or I to him "you are not that special, move on!" Shrink humor!
This is such a thought-provoking post and is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI think it's part and parcel of being an artist. Have you read "Art & Fear"? It might resonate with you.
Back in the day, I studied music fairly intensively (flute and then voice). My favorite flute teacher gave me the image of the upward spiral--in that you often revisit challenges, but if you keep working, the spiral gradually tilts upward, in that you're working at an ever-higher level.
And my favorite voice teacher simply called it "The Pursuit."
Don't give up!!
Gorgeous purses! Do you have a price list? I love that they are made from other things— the story you tell about them is wonderful and adds to their appeal.
ReplyDeleteI think that creativity is by definition lonely because it means always exploring something unknown. But I find that having some kind of community is also important to keep making things— especially for staying motivated. I think that one of the reasons we go exploring is to be able to tell other people about what we found.
I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading it everyday.
What a rich, thought-provoking post...thank you. I smiled, I laughed, I even felt tears welling up in my eyes (but I'm a public place so I suppressed them). Add me to the list of folks who think it's typical to "not belong". I have "my tribe"..but they're so spread out around the world that it's rare when 2 or more of us are together, and even then...well, we're all unique, and sometimes we just need to celebrate that uniqueness, but what else is there?
ReplyDeleteThank you, again, for your beautiful images and your thoughtful words :)
I enjoy your blog but rarely have anything to say. This time when I read about the feeling of "not belonging" I thought, "hey,I used to feel that way myself, but now I do not!". What happened, why has that feeling left me? The only thing I can think of is that after reading a book called something like "The Mindful Way Through Depression" I made a conscious decision to let go of thoughts that lead me to sadness. I didn't know how much control we can actually exercise over our thoughts and emotions until I began to exercise that control. Now when I have a thought like that, I "kiss it goodbye" and let it drift off. I consciously bring thoughts and images of love and belonging into my mind to replace them. Now it has become habit, and I think that must be why the sadder thoughts appear much less frequently.
ReplyDeleteYour purses are beautiful and I like that they all began life as something else! I don't know what makes the changing point -- I'm still waiting to feel like a capable adult rather than someone who flies by the seat of her pants. The "not belonging" is probably part of the human condition.
ReplyDeleteThe purses are wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI think that unless you are like everyone else, like herd animals, you will never truly belong. Anyone who is outside societal norms will be an outsider. Those of us that feel like we don't belong have a higher burden to appreciate the uniqueness of us all.
One thing I have learned is to appreciate the normalness of the people around me. The creative add beauty to the world, but it seems to me that it is the masses that go to work, do the same thing every day and just live their lives that truly make the world goaround. I suspect this isanother example of the 80/20 rule.
Once upon a time my sister commented to my mother that she did not want to be like everybody else. My mother could not understand why.
"How do I write with humor when I'm not funny?"
ReplyDelete"I wouldn't say I'm in love with the kitchen - I still think it's good for resale value and that's about it"
Now that's funny. You made me smile.
Susan C
Wonderful work! Both the fiber work and the mental work. You are growing in all directions!
ReplyDeleteI am finding this book particularly useful:
Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmahli
Judith
Taos 2005
Your work--and your puzzling--resonate with me. I am currently driven to use up the treasures of my stash. It felt sad to clean up my mother's stash, knowing that she had dreams on which she'd never acted. At 70, I want to take a bigger bite--of the collected treasures and of the challenge it poses to make something lovely of the ordinary stuff. Your work is an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing the pix and sharing the musings (that also feels like listening to myself). How helpful to hear that you've also tried to connect physically with other garment sewists, to no avail. Your blog seems to be generating a richer community anyway . . .