400: Playing Well The Hand

This past weekend, I attended the memorial service of a dear friend. He was born during the first World War, fought in the second, immigrated to Canada with a young family, was forced by circumstances to take up a completely new career although he loved the one that he had, struggled through the depression, and lived a long and - for the most part - happy life that lasted just ever so slightly short of a century.

Although he and his wife never owned their own home, in her tribute, his daughter-in-law said that Bill led a successful life. She defined success as playing well the hand that you are dealt. Her comment has stuck with me ever since perhaps because of its truth, perhaps because I'm old enough now to see that a good life is not about having everything, it is about what you do with what you have. A good life is about choices.

The minister talked about three gifts that Bill had received - the gift of optimism, the gift of Peggy, and the gift of faith.

Whenever Bill saw you, his whole face would light up, his eyes would twinkle, he'd smile and hug you, laugh in his booming way, talk a mile a minute with his strong Scottish accent, and be genuinely glad to see you. In the time that I knew him, he was always encouraging and yet he saw a lot of ugly things in his life even as he saw much beauty. He saw many changes that made the world better and many that did not. He dealt with realities that I'm sure he would have preferred to avoid and through it all, he maintained a spirit of optimism.

Was Bill always optimistic? Perhaps he started out with a positive personality and built on it. Perhaps he didn't and made a choice to become positive. He certainly never complained even when he had much to complain about. I came away thinking that even though I am not a negative person, I could learn to be more positive - that if I want to play well the hand that I've been dealt, I would be wise to choose optimism.

Peggy is Bill's wife of sixty-seven years. Right up until he died, she was the first person he wanted to see each day, forever beautiful in his eyes. He would get a special smile on his face when he saw her just as she did when she saw him. They were still very much in love after a lifetime together and yet I know it wasn't always smooth sailing because I know Peggy better than I knew Bill. For many years, we would meet for coffee at least once a week and I've heard about their life together from a wife's perspective. No relationship, and particularly marriage, is ever all smooth sailing yet through all the ups and downs, they chose to be together, to stay together, to put the other first, and to find the bright side.

Sixty-seven years is a very long time. This June will be my thirtieth wedding anniversary. Sometimes those thirty years are like no time at all and sometimes they are an eternity. Howard and I have had some really rough patches in our marriage caused by situations we would never have chosen had we the choice. We didn't. We only had the choice of how we played those cards based on our commitment to stay together and to work it out.

When I listened to the minister talk about how much Bill loved Peggy and what a gift she was in his life, I thought about how much my husband loves me. You would have to be around him to see but he darn near thinks I walk on water and we all know that I don't. I thought about what a gift he has been in my life and about the need to treasure that gift and to return it, to not take his love for granted. I am reminded to treasure all the relationships in my life - my husband, my children, my friends, my faith.

Bill's faith was described as simple. I feel that way too. I'm not interested in theories and theology, religious debates, church politics, or who might be right or wrong about what. I am interested in my one-to-one relationship with God that supports, encourages, and improves my life. It's a relationship that helps me play well the hand that I've been dealt. When I think back on some of the difficulties in my life, I see so clearly God's presence. Sometimes, I'm angry and I think he should work faster and speak louder into the mike. Sometimes, I'm not listening.

This is my 400th posting. Every one hundred posts, I take the opportunity to evaluate if I'm moving in the direction I want to be moving in. Bill left an amazing legacy. It made me think about mine, about who would come to my memorial and what might they say about me. I'm reminded that as much as I love to sew, life is not about sewing. As much as I am glad to have a job and be earning more income, life is not about money... or things... or trips... or status. A successful life is about playing well the hand that you are dealt, about treasuring the gifts that you've been given, and about striving to be the best that you can be.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - the gift of Bill