Why when we were children did we think we'd be grown up once school was over? Who failed to teach us that we'd forever be in the process and only full grown when we died? Who forgot to mention the twists and turns and voids or... were they mentioned and we just didn't listen?
In my work as a creativity coach, I often talked with my students about the vacuum of the unknown - an itchy, anxious place between what was and what will be. It's a place I know well. It's a place I have been before; a place where I am again.
This past weekend, I started re-reading Gail McMeekin's book The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women. On page 59, she writes... In the creative cycles of birth and death and rebirth, there are times when we are empty of ideas, adrift in a sea of ambiguity and nothingness. These times can be labeled the neutral zone, the void, a vacuum. No matter what they are called, they are part of the creative cycle, and wise women accept them and trust that when it's time, their inspirations will percolate again. This void beckons like a doorway to transformation and new beginnings. Yet fear can be a fellow traveler on this path to who knows where. Surviving in the void demands a range of skills: being willing to let go, staying in the dark long enough, nurturing your visions and dreams, following the clues as they present themselves, remaining true to yourself, and having the belief that something will appear. The void often feels like a test. It may be escorted in by job loss, illness, death, betrayal, burnout, disillusionment, or other life crises we didn't sign up for. While we long to restore the old, its time has passed, even if we wish otherwise. Such passages force us to redesign our internal selves and often produce surprising results. But they also involve loss, grief, and despair as well as communion with our darker side. Change thrusts us into chaos, and it takes time to reorder things and find a new route. Courage is mandatory.
Since moving into this house in the fall of 2004, I have been in the void three distinct times. This most recent "visit" has been the most painful probably because it overlapped with other things and I wasn't rested and ready for another crisis - if that makes any sense. That said, this visit also appears to have been the shortest - I hope - as right now it feels more like I'm on the edge of the void than in its midst. I haven't yet moved in a new direction and there are several twists and turns that could yet still redirect my path and even so I'm excited about the direction my mind has gone in creatively. I'm enjoying the inner bubbling and enthusiasm and energy and drive and motivation and... and... and... If you've ever experienced that feeling - and then not - you'll know what I mean.
Between this past weekend and the one previous, I've spent hours researching artists who create textile jewelry as well as inspirational resources and technical details. One resource was my collection of Quiting Arts Magazines which are full of how-to articles. It would have been so like me to have cleared them all out when I closed my business but... to my utter amazement... and delight... I had kept the entire collection. Apparently, my subconscious knew they'd be needed.
After reading through them and other books, I have far more directions to explore than I can ever head off in and will have to pick one and begin and see where it leads me. That's VERY exciting. At one point in my creative journey, I couldn't have come up with an original idea if I'd tried. That was before I learned that if you are open to ideas, they are everywhere. It's such an amazing concept when you grasp it fully.
I read and I sewed. For such an easy pair of pants, these took me two weeks. As per the instructions, I started with a ribbed waistband and then took it off because it was too high, thick, and fattening. Instead, I added a sewn on elastic waistband. Next time, I'll cut it on. These pants are more dressy than jeans, less frumpy than sweats, and incredibly comfortable. That's exactly what I was looking for although they feel quite...
... old lady with my top tucked in. Perhaps with a belt... and heels... and the right top... and my hair done... and make-up... basically a more finished look... they'd be better. But if we'd waited for that, you'd never have seen a picture so this is it.
Today is the first day of school for those who have students in school. NOT ME - YEAH!!!!!!!!! I didn't realize my husband had today off. Since he's home, I'll spend it with him and organize tomorrow for my Fall Planning Session. I can do that because - for now at least - I'm the boss of me - LOL.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - I'm finished the two week pants
The pants are nice addition to your wardrobe. I bet you will get a lot of wear of from them. Isn't planning fun?
ReplyDeleteYour journey is one that many women can relate to - at least in part. As you shift from one season of life, you've been preparing for the next one even before you know what it is. But that's okay. This is part of life, isn't it? Going from one season to the next. Like annual seasons of change from summer to fall, there is overlap. Our lives have overlap as well. That will look different for different women, and whether they're married or single, children or childless, working or non-working, etc.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy this new season of your life, Myrna. I'm glad you're excited about the jewelry making because it'll be fun to see what you're going to make. You'll inspire others who find your blog. Please keep blogging!
Carrie
PS Speaking of inspiring, I must tell you that I made the Vogue pattern 8743 that you decided not to make and it's turning out wonderfully! Very feminine & flattering!