Feeling Like Ellen

There was an segment on the news last night about the price of cotton and how it's going up. Several business owners were interviewed. One said that it was not just cotton, that the factors raising the price would also raise the price of polyester and nylon and other fabrics. They anticipated that the demand for cotton would go down. Why - when I looked at Howard and said I guess I should buy more fabric - did he burst out laughing? - LOL

Another comment made during the interview was that the clothing industry had not seen the price increases found in other industries and that it was about time they caught up. (Hopefully not with groceries which seem to be going crazy.) I wondered if we would see the point at which sewing was less expensive again. It's hard to tell when the price of the key ingredient and the end results are both expected to rise. I don't imagine price increases will affect my need to sew in the least. I'll just become an even better sales shopper. And then, there is my stash. Do you think that's why he laughed? - VBG




The big stones in these earrings are a rich purple that matched my outfit. The blue ones are more turquoise. The camera was playing tricks with the color as it likes to do. This was the first time in years and years and years - at least fifteen - that I've changed my earrings. Normally, I wear small diamond studs day and night. The left ear was fine. The right one was sore by halfway through the evening and I took them off.




The belt is leather in the front and elastic around the sides and back which makes it quite comfortable to wear. This may just be the only time in the last twenty years that I've worn a top tucked in with a belt. When I was getting dressed, I wondered if I would feel fat by the end of the evening. I didn't. This is good. I'll experiment more with this look now. I think it was the leather/elastic combination that worked. Since it bends and conforms, it's better than all leather especially with such a short waist. OH - and the 1" waistband on the skirt was perfect. It fit the night of the party and stayed front to front where it was supposed to be. YES YES!




The purple made me stand out. I was right in assuming that most of the women would wear black. The dance floor was a sea of dark. It was surprising - and nice - to see that the women were more dressed up this year. I've heard that's a side affect of tough times. Perhaps it's true. It was noticeable.

One woman had on the most amazing charcoal grey tights with silver sparkles. I talked to her at the entry while we were waiting for our husbands and she said that her sister sent them from Wolford's in New York. Apparently, it's a lingerie place? They were gorgeous and she said the quality was substantial. Of course, she was at least ten years younger than me and...

... small and thin. Sparkly tights might make an entirely different statement on my body. LOL - I'd have to decide if they were both Myrna and age appropriate. I contemplated my purple tights but decided head to toe purple would not be a good thing.

I've been going to Howard's staff party for the past thirty-one years. When I started attending, Alf would be there with his wife Ellen. They were the oldest couple and would spend the whole night on the dance floor. They loved to dance and were tremendous fun, friendly, outgoing, always laughing. That first year, they made me feel so welcome and comfortable being there. I don't think I'd ever been to a party with dancing and drinking before that. At this year's party, there was one couple who had been attending longer than us. When I commented to Joanne that I was feeling like Ellen, she said I know exactly what you mean.

Some things really surprised me like the woman at our table who spent most of her non-eating time texting on her phone or talking to her friends at the next table. She never once spoke to the woman beside her and only to me when I addressed her directly. I'm not sure why they didn't just sit over there. It wouldn't have been any less rude to get up and move than it was to stay and ignore the rest of us.

It seems that some adults are extremely immature. That shouldn't have been a shock and yet, at an adult Christmas party, where men are throwing food back and forth between tables and making paper airplanes to fly at each other and stealing bottles of wine and... and... and... it does. Perhaps it's me. Perhaps I've become old and prudish. Then again, perhaps I've always been this way.

Last week, in one of the comments, Karen asked how Howard was doing. The short answer would be much better and not well. They, meaning doctors and physiotherapists, anticipate it will take at least two years for the nerve damage to heal but that's only the back issues. He has other stuff going on.

Other than the one time years ago, he's never been horrendously ill and yet his health has been constantly compromised. Last year, we left the party at midnight. This year, we left at eleven. By then, his feet were hurting so badly he was beginning to limp. I can only imagine that next year, we'll be leaving at ten and that at some time in the very near future we will have one or two slow dances and that will be it.

He danced with me because he knows how much I love to dance and he loves me. I danced less than I wanted to because I know how much it hurts him and I love him. With that realization, I alternate between sad and angry. It's the plight of the care giver, experienced in unending ways.

Many of the things that we love to do or want to do can no longer happen because of the needs and limitations of the person that we love. While I want to be gracious and understanding and compassionate and caring, sometimes I also just want to throw a little temper tantrum and cry and say what about me. And when you feel like that, you also feel self centered and selfish and it's a whole vicious cycle that goes around and around. If you're a caregiver, you get exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes, there's no solution. It's not like I'm going to find another man to go dancing with. Not - Going - To - Happen. And so, in the end, you no longer do this thing that you love with the person that you love because of that love. It's tough.

I'm typing this post from my desk top. After what felt like forever trying to figure out the problem, Howard had to reformat the hard drive. Luckily, I've always backed up files to an external hard drive. Unluckily, everything is quite disorganized and now I have the task of sorting and moving the files back over. There's twenty years of business files, patterns, workshops, articles, illustrations, and personal information stored there that has needed a good cleaning for a long time. Apparently, now is the time. I'll have to do it bit by bit.

Right after I put away the laptop and return the studio to normal, I want to work on a sweater refashion. There are three or four of Howard's sweaters that he never wears in my refashioning box. I'm inspired by Embellish Knits Month at the Grosgrain blogspot. I've no idea what the blogger's name is. I can't easily find it anywhere and haven't had the time to dig around. That's interesting since it's a commercialized blog. Oh well. She's very creative. The sweaters are gorgeous even if several of them are far too young for my taste. Many of the ones I really love are Anthropologie inspired - one of my favourite inspiration sites.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - my desk top is working again and that Howard had the skills to fix it without costing us a lot of money. YES YES!