Now Needs Something

My daughter loves tiger lillies. All the plants in my garden were either gifts to or gifts from her which means that I think of her even more often when they are in bloom. We're going to visit in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to it - it's been way too long between hugs.




Yesterday, I answered the later part of Kathy's question. At the beginning she said... And then the comment about feeling bland and not having any big project or goals. Anyway, it seems to me that you do have a big goal - which is learning to express who you are through your clothing. That is not a small task and you have been working at it diligently for some time now.

One woman that I know is absolutely mad about fashion. She reads copious magazines, is aware of trends, shops voraciously, has several closets full of clothing, works in a high end clothing store, and spends enormous amounts of time, money, and energy on how she looks and what she wears. When we are talking together, I feel like a complete novice who knows nothing about fashion while she rattles off designer names and prices and seasons and all sorts of other - trivia. I'd define her as extremely passionate about the subject.

In comparison, for me, fashion is barely an interest. I don't like to shop. I'm not interested in what's trendy. I like to sew what I want to wear and my concern is with what suits both my personality and my figure type and with the design and technical aspects. However... while expressing who I am through what I wear is quite important to me, that's not the kind of thing I mean when I refer to a big goal. To me, it's an ongoing and never ending interest but only one piece of my pie.

In the past a big goal has been writing a book or renovating a house - or writing and book and renovating a house at the same time - or writing a book and renovating a house at the same time while raising three small children - or writing a book and renovating a house at the same time while raising three small children while my husband worked out of town and I was basically a single parent. Yes... that was way too busy and in comparison, right now, is too slow. It's that pendulum swing thing - too far one way and then too far the other. Now needs something big enough but not overwhelming.




Two of the women I work with are age 71 and age 73. Earlier in their lives, one worked as an executive secretary in a law office and the other as a bank manager. Those are not low powered careers. These women were thinkers and doers. A few days ago, I asked them for their opinion on this blandness and both of them knew exactly what I was talking about although neither had an answer. The one said that she sews each day and the other suggested I go back to school or into business.

After asking these two women, I polled a few other people and while many identified with the feeling, no one put forward an answer. Giving it some thought, I think possibly that's because both the feeling and the answer is very individual, a mix of our passion, purpose, and personality. What I need and what I miss are different from what someone else needs and misses.

I'm happy not to be in business. I'm happy not to be developing products, creating marketing plans, doing research and development, shipping products back and forth to galleries, or travelling. I'm happy to be working a job where I dress up, show up, do the work, go home, and leave work at work. Right now, this is exactly what I need in most areas of my life but it's not enough. So... will this current state of being remain static or evolve into something else? I have no idea.

Five years from now I may have a different answer. Right now, I believe that I need to balance all that calmness with something that challenges and intrigues and keeps my mind active. I have a very active mind. It's not good for it to get bored. Yucky things happen then. My husband says PLEASE find something that intrigues you. He knows.

That said, it sometimes feels as if I'm negating every option - and I guess I am - because I know why I don't want to do those particular things at this point in my life. What I don't know is what I do want to do. It's another vacuum of the unknown, another field that is fallowing, while I wait for the answer.

I know that my top loves are to write, to teach, and to create and that my purpose is to support and encourage others to their best and one would think the answer would be a combination of those except that that combination exactly describes my previous job. Since I've finally come to terms with its nasty ending and found some measure of peace in the current state of being, there must be a different answer. While I know it needs to challenge me, I don't know the whole answer, so the only thing I can do is start moving in that direction by upping my reading and looking at more individualized creativity - things I have to think through and figure out.




Yesterday, I bought this drapery fabric in the bargain center. It's like a loosely woven cotton. The five stripes against the grey caught my eye. I imagined them as tucks on either side of a button front blouse or sewn into inverted pleats in a skirt or used on a yoke or... or... or... ideas appeared so I bought the fabric simply for the challenge of figuring out how to make it work and - since it's come through the washer and dryer just fine - that may be something I work on soon as part of balancing more creative and more practical projects.




Another creatively intriguing idea was prompted by this Style Arc pattern called the Simply Sally Top. Style Arc is a relatively new independent pattern producer out of Australia. The lines of this top remind me of the patterns in the Japanese sewing book Clothes What You Can Wear Freely. I can figure this top out without a pattern. It'll either be as easy as I think it will be or much harder than I'm anticipating but I can figure it out. I'm capable of this and other intriguing garments however, each garment is more of a short term goal than a big goal like putting together an exhibit or writing a book and since that's the kind of thing that I'm missing - something longer term, multi-pieced, and more involved - it's going to take some more time for TNBT (the next big thing as a friend used to call it) to develop. I'll need to practice patience... again... yuck... I am SO NOT GOOD at that. Oh well.

This morning, I'm out for coffee with a friend and then a birthday lunch with another friend and then - hopefully - plan to work on my jeans. They haven't changed much since Friday. I spent the weekend mostly watching DVDs from Palmer/Pletsch and on Saturday we made another "emergency" run out to see my son. He called with a request.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - friends - HB Sharon!