The BIG...

One HUGE bonus of teaching on-line was meeting so many interesting women from around the world and learning about their lifestyle, culture, and language. The things we had in common and how we differed were fascinating. At one point, I taught over 1,200 students a year. Most were simply students taking a workshop and when class was over, so was our relationship. A few become closer friends like Anna.

Over the years that Anna and I known each other - which is starting to be quite a few - she has sent me all sorts of gorgeous and thoughtful gifts that I truly appreciate. A few weeks ago, I received a package with several items including this book 5: Where Will You Be Five Years From Today?

Earlier this week, I curled up in my chair on the porch with a cozy blanket, the book, a cup of coffee, and the rising sun and read it cover to cover. It was much like re-reading my workshop Women Art Life. The book starts with the encouragement to decide what's next in your life and strategize how to get it and goes on to talk about many things including living your life on purpose, identifying your values, having dreams, and balance. What fabulous reminders.

With the exception of the nine months following the birth of my first child, I've worked full time for the past thirty five years in a variety of fields, for others and for myself. While I've been a life long learner exploring whatever intrigues me, it wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I went to university - a choice I don't regret at all as a little wisdom and some life experience is quite helpful to academic life.

I'm a thinker - some might say an over thinker - and hugely goal oriented as you can probably tell from the way I write. That's not likely to change. And while I'm not discounting the successes that I've had - so please don't take this next statement that way - it often appears that I'm working my behind off and getting nowhere while other people are waltzing through life with ease and bliss. I know those are extremes and that reality is somewhere in the middle however, here's what I mean.

The other day, I heard about a guy who is making hemp jewelry on the beach in a downtown park earning over $200.00 a day - it just happened - and about a woman in her early twenties who paints cute caricatures and has no intention of being a full time artist and yet ended up in a gallery where two of her pieces sold before they were even hung on the wall. Now, she's having a solo exhibit - in August - before she goes back to teaching school in the fall.

Unintentional success has not been my experience. For a while, I wondered if I was going to be the twenty year, overnight success. My work had finally reached a quality of design and skill that I was incredibly proud of at a time when the recognition of textile art had begun to happen. It was featured in five galleries and sales were just starting. And then, the economy went for a bust. It'll be at least five years, if not longer, before it recovers sufficiently leaving me operating at a loss and choosing new directions. This is my usual experience - to work hard for every small drop of success.

For the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the adage if you continue to do what you've always done, you'll continue to get what you've always got. It's one that I mention in Women Art Life in the lesson on change. The assignment is to change one thing. If you were going to change one thing that would have significant impact on your life, what would it be? I have decided not to work so hard.

Don't panic. I'm not about to become aimless. I've worked through the assignments in the book Anna sent me. I know what direction I want to move in, what my purpose and mission are, what I value, the areas I need to work on to bring better balance into my life, and other "answers" like this. My choice this time is to - instead of working my behind off to make these things happen - put it out there to the universe (in my case God) and trust and allow things to come about in their own time. It's hard to explain. It's an emotional rather than a physical choice.

While waiting, I'm going to relax, recover from years of over-responsibility and exhaustion, and spend time using my gift of creativity for myself and others. I'm going to get to that thing that I would regret not getting to were I to die tomorrow and I'm going to focus on myself, my creativity, my home, my family, my faith, and my friendships trusting that what is meant to be will come about.