The Internal Battle

My hosts at the Copper Kettle B & B in Nanaimo talked a lot about astrological signs and the personality traits associated with them. Fiona referred to me as "a real Gemini" a few times. I certainly wouldn't plan my life around a horoscope. It seems a little off to me that all of the people born in a particular month would be moving in the same direction on the same day. I know lots of people born in June, even people born on my birth date, who are nothing at all like me. Instead, I find it amusing, much like a personality test or something of that nature. There are always a few elements that fit.

Fiona & Maurice had a birthday book. In it, you could look up the exact date of your birth and read a two page description of persons born on that date. When I read mine, I laughed and showed it to my friend Barb. She read the first paragraph and started laughing. It was VERY close. One aspect the description referred to was the dual personality of persons born in this twins month. That's something I can really relate to.

There are huge contrasts in my personality like the fluffy girl part compared to the business minded entrepreneur or the stop and smell the roses part compared to the type A workaholic. There is something ironic about making a goal of having fun.

The contrast that really gets me is the minimalist compared to the fashion creative. One part can grasp the paired down wardrobe with a few garments that mix and match well together. It's a challenging concept. Another part is all for creating a huge wardrobe, an equally exciting concept with so many opportunities to explore creative expression. AND... I sew.

By sewing my wardrobe, I would get at least five times the number of garments for the same amount of money that I would purchase for a minimalist wardrobe. There's the fashion creative justifying her point of view to the minimalist. And then, the practical part kicks in and asks where will you store all those garments and how often would you wear them anyway and I'm back in a tug of war between the desires of my fashion creative and the practicality of my minimalist.

A few weeks ago, Sally at Already Pretty asked readers to submit questions. I wanted to see what advice she would give to help women get out of their fashion rut. She sent a lovely answer with lots of questions to ponder and actions to take. It made me laugh. They were exactly the kinds of things that I would advise my students to do. Her opening line said, Since you are clearly experiencing an internal battle, I suggest... Ah yes, there's that battle of the twins again.

At forty-seven, I've come to accept this as a part of my way of being. I seem to have a need to dissect and over-analyze everything - to death - and I acknowledge it and try not to let it get out of hand. It will show up in questions like why aren't I finishing the white bra? Because white is boring and I don't need another white bra. Or, why am I dragging my heels on the black t-shirt? Because I already have several black t-shirts, don't need another one, and wasn't I trying to perk up my style anyway. I'll procrastinate, and then finally address the question, and then, knowing the answer, I can finish the bra and the t-shirt and move on. The practical and the creative parts of me are constantly showing up. I'm still trying to teach them how to play nice together.

Yesterday, I was knitting on the sweater sleeve and thinking about Sally's questions when the thought that I can't NOT be creative popped into my head followed immediately by another thought - but you ARE not being creative. While I'm thinking and over thinking and analyzing and debating, my ability to do grinds to a halt. It's annoying. It's another fact of life for my way of being. Doing for doing's sake is very difficult for me. Doing with a goal in mind is much more attainable.

This may seem like a topic change but hang in there, it's connected. I spent a lot of time yesterday researching overcoming allergies. There were quite a few mind over matter type articles which have validity - think Lance Armstrong - however, what I wanted were some facts that made sense and data from which to make a plan.

I eventually found this article that notes allergic symptoms are often caused by inadequate diet, emotional stress, upsets, and insufficient sleep - to name a few. It goes on to talk about several other aspects like dehydration, the lack of digestion enzymes, and bruising that are relevant to me and/or a blood type A. If you read about the characteristics of blood type A's, they are often creative and don't deal well with stress and should chose independent rather than competitive outlets.

From the data in the article, I can develop a plan for taking specific vitamins that will help to heal my physical body. However, from what I read. I will also need to deal with the inadequate diet and managing emotional stress. Normally, my diet is far from inadequate so when I first read that sentence I wanted to discount it except that over the last year, since developing these allergies, it's become increasingly difficult to eat although I am making progress. After reading the article, I'll add taking the advised vitamins, essential fatty acids, and digestive enzymes to the "battle" plan.

The emotional stress is partly but not completely within my control. One cannot control the choices of a teenager or of a boss who doesn't think you need a day off a week or of a world wide recession. My son's struggle with diabetes, being let go from a job I loved, and the bottom falling out of the art market were not something I could anticipate and plan for. HOWEVER... I can make a plan for dealing with the reality and that's where the two topics meet up again.

It is in my best interests both emotionally and physically to be creative on a daily and ongoing basis which I would bet is true for any of you reading this posting. When we are NOT creative, especially when creativity is such a huge part of our personality and our way of dealing with and de-stressing from the world around us, then we do ourselves and our friends and family a huge disservice by not being creative. It's like not eating, or not drinking water, or not getting regular exercise. It's essential to us living healthy.

When I taught Self Expressions and Women Art Life, I recommended that those students who were not regularly creative start by setting aside a minimum of ten minutes to develop the habit of being creative and to make a priority of nurturing themselves and their inner artists. Many reported that it made a HUGE difference in how they coped with life. For me, right now, I don't need ten minutes. I already have large chunks of time each day. What I need to do is stop worrying about wasting this time - stop debating the issue - and get to actually stitching. AND SO...

... and here's where we connect the dots. I have definitely decided to join the Sewing With A Plan contest. I'm going with option one with the six tops, four bottoms, and one choice. I'm going to make a general plan but I am not going to over think it. I'm going to sew and have fun sewing and if I get done on time, great, and if "all" I do is have fun along the way and produce a few pieces of clothing, excellent, good and enough. My main focus is healing.

As part of the plan, I've set a goal to reduce my fabric stash by 50%. Obviously, I can't do that with the eleven garments in the stash but I can make a start. What you see in the image above is not everything. There are three boxes to the right and six more to the left. Having this much fabric while not sewing it up IS stressing me out. It would be healthy for both my fashion creative and my minimalist to sew it up.

I have the same goal for my yarn stash. It has oozed off of the yarn shelf into a basket beside the curl-up chair as well as this drawer. These are left over balls of yarn and/or projects that I have taken apart to re-knit. I'm going to start by finishing or being finished with these items and reduce the total yarn stash back to fitting on the shelf. See that white stuff? It's cotton. I'm going to knit it up and then over-dye it. WHAT fun.

There were a few funny moments yesterday. I was not happy with my hair cut. Even though I much prefer it shorter, I couldn't figure out why it wasn't styling well until I held up this strand. MY GOODNESS. I used to be a hairstylist and the final thing you do before blow drying the client's hair is a cross check holding the hair in all directions to make sure that it blends and flows correctly otherwise the weight of the hair can cause flips and styling issues.

Right after taking this photo, I washed and trimmed it and now it's doing better although I do believe I'll be getting another haircut soon - probably for the Christmas party to "go with" my new outfit. I wanted a MUCH more dramatic angle at the back. I think I'll go with a different stylist.

AND THEN... a few weeks ago I bought the book The Conscious Cook. It's a vegan cookbook written by chef Tal Ronnen whose celery root soup I showed yesterday. I returned the book because one of the main ingredients that he uses - Gardein - contains wheat gluten. Since I'm gluten intolerant, I can't use it ONLY... he uses this product in place of meat. I'm not vegan! What was I thinking? I don't need to use a chicken substitute. I can use REAL chicken. What a duh moment. I'd returned the cookbook already so yesterday, I bought it again at Costco where it was - nicely - less expensive.

With all my researching and thinking, I have not finished the sweater yet so that's my goal for the next few days. Have a great weekend.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - healing information and an action plan