YES and exactly. There aren't sufficient words to express how grateful I am for all the comments this past weekend. Like Marybeth, I don't wish a hard time on anyone and yet there is a comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Your support, encouragement, and suggestions for how to cope with this stage of life are much appreciated. Thank you. Some thoughts... (that you can skip by fast forwarding to the leopard print top).
In 1973, Jean Ray Laury wrote The Creative Woman's Getting It All Together At Home Handbook. The blurb on the back begins with the question How does a creative woman who is committed to home and family meet her needs for self-expression and communication? Supposedly the book answers this question. I need to read it again because what I remember so clearly is not the answer but the anger of the women interviewed toward the men in their life. There was an attitude of how dare they expect me to cook and clean and look after children when I'm being creative.
Thirty years later, in a totally different culture, the anger comes across as unreasonable. Life involves tradeoffs. Reading the book, it seemed to me that the man working outside the home to earn a supporting income made it possible for the woman inside the home to be creative and that some division of labour had to happen to accommodate that ability. I believe that's still true no matter who is the primary income earner. It's true in my situation.
Howard works twelve hours a day, six days a week, and lives in constant pain. Pain is selfish. It can't help but be with its all-consuming-ness. By the time he gets home from work, he's barely functioning. I would have absolutely no respect for myself were I to then require him to perform chores around the house that I can and - IMHO - should be doing so that I can spend my time doing only those things that I enjoy. His working outside the home makes my not working possible. My not working outside the home makes his working possible. Irregardless of whether I like these tasks or not, they are my share of our joint experience at this moment in time. Love it or hate it, it's me that needs the attitude adjustment.
At one time, we had a housekeeper and daycare. At one time, Howard did all the grocery shopping. At one time, my children each had cooking days. At one time, we would divide up the housecleaning chores and get it all done together. At one time, I ran a business. Those times are past. While it seems that I'm getting the raw end of this deal in that I'm acquiring more and more of the work that I don't enjoy doing, I also completely understand that as the unscheduled one, right now this is my job and that Howard and the boys have their jobs. I may not like it and that's not the point. Many people get up every morning and go to jobs they don't like because they are doing what needs to be done. I also realize that for me, it's not so much the actual work as it is the emotions especially of overwhelming responsibility.
Last week, I talked about the previous Sunday's sermon. I paraphrased a quote from William Barclay. The actual quote is: It is not only men like Paul who have been given a task from God; to every person God gives a task. It may be one which all men will know and which history will remember or it may be one which no one will ever hear; BUT in either case, it is a task from God. I talked about realizing that - at this time in my life - my purpose is being lived out in small and silent and invisible ways and about my desire for BIG and RECOGNITION. Trouble brews at that intersection. By focusing on what I do not have, I fail to be grateful for what I do have.
Last week when my friend Sharon was over to sew, she was having trouble tracing the bra pattern because of all the interfering lines on my pressing surface. This board is one of my favourite studio tools only the surface is now littered with thousands of felt pen marks from tracing patterns. I gave Sharon a piece of paper to place under the pattern making it easier to trace the correct lines. Guess what? No marks went through to the surface. A piece of paper... months after I'd messed up the surface... so obvious... brilliant but slow. Sometimes the obvious isn't. Those marks have been driving me crazy and now that I know I can sew a clean canvas surface and start over protected by a piece of newsprint. YES YES!
Yesterday's sermon was called Clarity of Mind in a World of Confusion and talked about endurance and about how God is more concerned with my holiness than my happiness. It's not that God doesn't want me to be happy; He does but He wants me to be holy more. The verses in Ephesians 2 talked about endurance as being strengthened and able to push through and hold on in the midst of adverse circumstances. LOL - do you think he was talking to me?
I don't like to cook, clean, and grocery shop. So what? I do like to read, write, knit, and sew. And, if I organize things well, I can each day. That ME hour will get me through and it's up to ME to make sure I have that time. Years of stressful happenings, these ridiculous and excessive food allergies, and menopause have made things messy. Right now, working outside the home sounds so big and so impossible. It's all I can do to keep it together here. Working inside the home is well within my ability. These are not my favourite tasks but here is where I need to be. Home is both my healing place and my mission field. God has arranged this answer to so many prayers and I'm complaining. Go figure. Life's like that. We ebb and we flow but can't you just hear God saying - enough now. Goodness girl!
Big breathe in - deep sigh out - WELL..... as I said, it's me that needs the attitude adjustment. I am blessed that Howard has work he enjoys and work that supports our household in a solid although not extravagant way. I'm even blessed to have a budget to figure out. So many are in tougher situations. I'm blessed that I'm able to be home with my son and that I'm not required to care for him 24/7 so that I have breaks from that overwhelming responsibility. I'm blessed that I live in a country where I have access to the types of foods that are healthy for me and am not forced to eat those that aren't or to starve. I am blessed to have a stashed up studio and creative abilities. I am blessed to be going on a sewcation. I am blessed... I am blessed... I am blessed... LOL - I imagine I'll have more cranky days - like I said, life's like that - but today, I'm grateful to have a clean piece of paper clearing up my surface once again and a chance to start over.
In contrast to last week, I had a delightful weekend. On Saturday, all the guys were busy, the house was clean and quiet, we had left overs to eat, and I spent several hours sewing. Such a gift. I have things to show you but first a word of warning. Bad hair ahead. My hairstylist only works Wed, Thurs, and Friday and she's been out of town for three weeks, back today. My hair had grown so much that I wanted a trim before leaving on sewcation Thursday. On Friday, I went for a haircut to an unknown stylist and now have what my youngest son describes as a "not too horrible" hairstyle. I took the scissors to it myself Saturday and was coping better by Sunday but have an emergency call in to Rosemarie and hopefully, once she listens to her answering machine, she can fix my do otherwise, I'll have to make do. Yuck!
This is the Burda 8219 top - as is - straight out of the package. Although the print is partly to blame, you can see that the dolman sleeves are not doing me any favours.
In this image, I've pinned a 1" tuck across the shoulders front and back and pinned the side seams in tighter through the waist and bust with a higher armhole. Better, but still no favours.
This is my T & T pattern, made in the same fabric with an on the shoulder sleeve seam. You can see that this is MUCH better.
And this is my T & T with the Burda 8219 details. Black is hard to photograph so it's tough to see but I transferred the neckline and under bust seam. MUCH more flattering. I left off the Burda 8219 bow. It was ridiculous - like I had floppy bunny ears on my bust. Scrap that idea
The back and the sleeves of the T & T are working well. This pattern has been worth the work to develop. Now, it's fun to play with and I'm getting to know which knit fabrics will have the highest success. This one is a rayon polyester blend.
Here's a close-up of the knot at the front since it's impossible to see in the earlier picture. I bought reams of this fabric on sale for $4.00 a meter. Good thing. My black t-shirts are faded and ready for rags. On Saturday, I went shopping and found only ugly, yucky, unflattering styles, several of which were $40.00 each. A meter and a half - $6.00 each - and I'm glad that I have the fabric to sew a good selection because - LOL - you know how I love black t-shirts.
Knowing what I know now about the dolman sleeve, it seems that another pattern from the Self Imposed Sewing Club is out although I'm not totally giving up yet. I'll look at the waist pieces for the Vogue 1202 top and see if it's possible to combine them with a more flattering upper section with set in sleeves, a higher front neckline, and a low back. I like both the waist shaping of Vogue 1202 and the skirt. We'll see what happens.
Talk soon - Myrna
Grateful - the comfort of community
Hi Myrna, I have to agree with you on the Burda top. It isn't doing you any favors. I think it's a combination of the pattern draft and the fabric.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the black top is a winner! If you want to get away from black, perhaps some other dark toned solids would be worth looking into.
I, too, get resentful about the things I have to do as opposed to the things I want to do.
ReplyDeleteOur sermon yesterday was taken from Ephesians 2 as well - talking about the good works God has for us to do. It was a reminder for me to realize that the housekeeping and cooking and studying are the works God has designed for me just now. And for the most part, it's enjoyable.
Amazing how the perfect seamline placement flatters the body. It's all about knowing oneself - not just the interior, but the exterior, too.
I have to say of all the sewing blogs I love yours the best. It is real. Sometimes life sucks and you are brave enough to say it. I am in your shoes except at the end of my child raising years my oldest decided she did not want the four she had given birth too. So as I was eagerly awaiting the empty nest syndrome the Lord made other plans for me. There are days I scream and cry but then you hear the laughter of these small children or they hug you and say I love you grammy and know then that His grace is sufficient for me. There will be no new sewn by me wardrobe this year but if there is 20 minutes to putter in my sewing room and dream it will be o.k. This is my mission field and you will be in my prayers.
ReplyDelete"Home is both my healing place and my mission field."
ReplyDeleteThanks, Myrna. You've got a great blog--your writing helps me, and I enjoy seeing your projects. Thanks for writing about all of it.
I'm still catching up here but reading your posts is so worthwhile. I love reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the dolmans, so far, aren't doing you any favors, but I understand also about not giving up.
And I agree about doing your part. When G worked and I was home I felt it was my job. We all have things we have to do in life that we may not want to do. And we all have to contribute. I've mostly gotten over that kind of resentment, but there are times, especially when things get really busy and I get squeezed that it bubbles up. Mostly now though I get more frustrated with myself for "wanting", by which I mean expecting things that are outside my control to make me happy, more than I get frustrated with others or life. I like to hope it is a step in the right direction.