The ME Hour

Balance: a seven letter word fraught with frustration and something I'm finding incredibly difficult to achieve. Although I'm typing, and have every intention so far of hitting post, it's possibly not be a good idea for me to be writing today. It's a whine. Perhaps some of you can relate and offer advice.

It was two o'clock in the afternoon yesterday before I'd finished buying, repackaging, and putting away the groceries. We shop (actually that should read I shop since I'm the only one there) at two stores and will pay more for less to avoid throwing food away which means I go to Costco for larger bulk items and to Save-On for things that Costco doesn't carry or items I want in smaller quantities.

Last pay period, an astronomical amount of money was spent on groceries - twice the budgeted amount. Now that I'm focusing on making meals (as in cooking them) a priority, I've become more aware of prices. I was amazed at how many had increased in the last two week period. Years ago, a woman in our church who runs a frugal website told me that groceries go up three times a year - at the start of school, at Christmas, and at the start of summer holidays. She said these were the times when the increases could be hidden in a change in shopping patterns. I've paid attention. It's true.




I had lunch on the porch. The days are getting colder and it was most likely the last time it'll be warm enough to enjoy being out there. Across the street, the neighbour's oak tree is showing the beauty of fall colors. It made me both appreciative and sad. Time is flying by so fast. I feel like I can't get my breath and focus and find that sweet spot between the things that need to be done and the things that I want to do. The to do list is never ending long and filled with thankless tasks. While I believe that making a home is important, that isn't helping me to love the actual doing.

Last night, when my son was washing dishes after dinner, he threw out the beef gravy. This morning, when I found out, I burst into tears. You know it wasn't the gravy. It was that tipping point. We've all had them.

Since school started, the only significant time I have spent in my studio has been when Wendy and when Sharon were here to sew - one evening and one day. Instead, I've spent hours and hours and copious amounts of energy focused on the care and keeping of a house and of other people. Housekeeping is a peat and repeat job. It never goes away. Thank God, I'm a minimalist. With the amount of energy it takes to look after this little, I can't imagine looking after more.

This morning, I made chili for dinner. It's now simmering in the crock pot. Chopping up the celery, onions, and peppers, browning the meat, and adding spices, I realized that while I like all the ingredients in this recipe, there is at least one that each of the men in my life do not like. I'm overwhelmed by learning to cook from scratch in order to deal with my allergies, thinking up things to cook each day, cooking them, making them taste like something while keeping in mind each person's preferences, and trying somehow to economize. That in itself is a huge task. I've decided not to cook on Sundays.

And while I know my family loves me, I'm also overwhelmed by how easily these cooking, cleaning, shopping tasks have been assigned to me and how they no longer think about them. You see it in subtle statements like yesterday when my husband asked if he could help me by setting the table. Hello. Since when is setting the table my job and since when does a person need permission to do a task? How did I get to be in charge of who and how and when the table is set? Why wait to be asked? If you see it, do it.

Before writing today, I sat down with a cup of coffee and read through my blog list. While I'm inspired by every one's creativity, I'm turning green. Some women are putting out garment after garment. They've sewn more in a week than I've sewn all summer - and everything they sew seems to fit - and look wonderful - and they're so happy and I'm so crabby. Whine - whine - whine - whine - whine - whine - whine - VBG!

School started on the 7th. Today is the 17th. It's only been ten days and already I'm completely drained of energy. While attempting to make everyone else's life easier, my own gas tank hasn't been filled. The things that I want to do, like write the blog in a timely manner, and the things that I need to do for my own sanity, like be creative each day, are not happening with necessary regularity. Next week, I'm starting the ME hour. Over the weekend, I'll figure out when to slot it in but I want at least one hour each day in my studio. It's essential. I don't just want to sew, I need to sew or I'll go crazy.

Yesterday afternoon, a friend phoned. She was having a really down day and needed some company so I went and knit with her for a few hours in the afternoon. Later, during news commercials, I managed to find enough time to cut out the Burda 8219 top. Luckily, the TV is in the family room next to my studio but running back and forth was not stress-less sewing.

Because I'm testing both the style and the pattern, I used the same leopard print fabric that I made a top from earlier this summer. There was just enough left however, because of the shape of the pattern pieces, the "stripes" are horizontal rather than vertical. I attempted to arrange them in helpful positions. Hopefully the lighter portions across the bust and the darker ones across the waist will make one look larger and the other smaller - in theory - we'll see.

I want to finish this top as well as two muslins. Next Thursday, I leave for a three day Ron Collins workshop. I am really looking foward to three days sewing with other creative women and no responsibilities. YES YES! Have a great weekend. I promise to be more cheerful on Monday.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - sewcations