Making Pretty

Last night was knitting. I didn't go. I stayed home to sew because if asked to chose between sewing and knitting, sewing will win almost every time plus I'd spent the day making pretty in the studio and more than I wanted to knit, I wanted to spend time in my space. It didn't happen.

I spent two hours putting up a light. To thank Howard for trading spaces with me, I bought him a chandelier. He loves them - the gaudier the better. Me? Not so much. This one looked clean and simple in the store. In our bedroom, it's more ornate but not so over the top that I want to take it back.

See that circle of white? When I touched up the ceiling after the old fixture was taken down, I grabbed the wrong paint and used semi-gloss bought for the trim and not matte bought for the ceiling. That's the story of this move. What can go wrong, goes wrong. I'm not sure what the lesson is but I'm getting plenty of practice with patience and letting go - opportunities to be my best me which is...

... along the lines of the book I'm reading - Face It: Looking And Feeling Great Matters At Any Age by Vivian Diller. Here's the blurb...

Let's face it: everyone's getting older. But millions of women, raised to believe that success and happiness are based on their intelligence and accomplishments, face an unexpected challenge: the physical realities of aging. If looks are not supposed to matter, why do so many women panic as their appearance changes? Their dilemma stems from two opposing societal views of beauty which lead to two different approaches to aging. Should women simply grow old naturally since their looks don''t define them, or should they fight the signs of aging since beauty and youth are their currency and power? This Beauty Paradox leaves many women feeling stuck. Face It, by Vivian Diller, Ph.D., is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances. As a model turned psychotherapist, Diller has had the opportunity to examine the world of beauty from two very different vantage points. This unique perspective helped her develop a six-step program that begins with recognizing "uh-oh" moments that reveal the reality of changing looks, and goes on to identify the masks used to cover deeper issues and define the role beauty plays in a woman''s life, and ends with bidding adieu to old definitions of beauty, so women can enjoy their appearance--at any age!

A friend told me about the book while we were discussing a line of make-up I was considering. The total regime was four hundred dollars and involved many bottles. I've been there done that and have evolved to a smaller, shorter, routine with a quality cleanser, moisturizer, and foundation. I didn't want to trade my two minute regimen for a twenty minute one. If asked to chose between spending my time, money, and energy on fighting aging or embracing creativity, creativity wins almost every time. One of the things I love about the way I've aged is...

... an - IMHO - improved perspective. While my looks matter, they aren't my total identity. Years ago, maybe yes. Now, I approach new products and activities with the question can I sustain this? Yesterday, I was talking to a woman who has lost 142 pounds through a change in diet and exercise. When I asked her, she said she runs 1 1/2 hours a day and longer on the weekends. According to her, she can maintain that.

At one time, I'd have looked at those lost pounds, bought new running shoes, and hit the streets. Now I think really? I'd much rather go for a short but consistent walk every day, grab a new book on the other kind of fit - and fashion - and chose a yummy piece of fabric and head down to my studio to sew. I've one life to live and I chose not to spend it pursuing the perfect face and body nor lamenting what can't be changed. And that's a change from the younger me.

A song I was listening to yesterday went she ain't pretty, she just looks that way. In the morning, while I'm putting on my make-up and fluffing up my hair, it's not that I don't want to look good. I do. I'm quite vain but in a looking as good as I can reasonably look kind of way rather than a looking younger than my daughter kind of way because I'm more focused on being here in this moment and living this one life. I'd rather have an eccentric and interesting personality than perfect packaging.

I can dress up, make-up, and look pretty AND... I can read and have stimulating conversations. I can learn. I can listen. I can support and encourage and be involved with my friends and family. I can sew and knit and be creative in a way that challenges me. I can be interested and interesting in life. I can walk and remain flexible. I can't prevent wrinkles and cellulite and sagging b--bs. I can buy a good bra!

A few weeks ago, I picked up this canvas for my studio. It's a reminder to exist in my own life. When I get to the line DREAM big, it makes me stop to think. As I approach fifty, what does that mean to me now? In my twenties, when I started my business, the talk was all about follow your bliss and the money will follow. For many of us, that didn't happen in a discouraging, demoralizing way that made us wonder if we hadn't worked hard enough or if we weren't good enough.

In Malcolm Gladwell's book The Outliers he talks about that exact thing - that you may have worked hard and be amazing at what you do but the stars didn't align at the moment you needed them to align. It was a reassuring thought to read when after investing twenty years in my career, developing my work to an admirable point, and having it established in numerous high end galleries, the economy went for a bust and virtually no one is buying art never mind high end, alternative, abstract, contemporary art made from fabric.

Malcolm's book helped me to move on - on to enjoying my creativity in a way that's focused on what do I want to learn and do and create as opposed to what do they want to buy. There are realities to life that you can't get around no matter how blissed out you are. If you can't sing. You can't sing. If there's no money, there's no money. I'm glad I'm old enough to know that now and to stop fighting the same old battle and start having more fun.

My feet might be flat and pudgy with hairy toes that need waxing and calluses on the sides but isn't that polish pretty? YEAH!

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - the upside of aging