Feel Good Closet

A Feel-Good Closet is simply a space within your closet reserved for the clothes you feel good wearing. It might not be much, but it's a start -- a really good start to revitalizing your friendship with your closet. And like all good friendships, a Feel-Good Closet is a safe haven devoid of judgement. To start your Feel-Good Closet, it's important to turn a deaf ear to the fashion police, your mother, children, husband, or anyone else with an opinion, even if you value it. Only you can know if something physically and emotionally feels good to wear. If you second-guess your feel-good choices by worrying what others might think, you'll drive yourself nuts. - page 25, What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life by Kim Johnson Gross.

Kim is talking about creating a section of clothing that makes you feel fabulous within a closet stuffed with clothing that does not. What an interesting concept. It's easy to see how that section of clothing would be the base on which you'd develop a complete wardrobe, step by step, piece by piece, eventually filling it with garments that fit and flatter both emotionally and physically. As you did, the feel-bad part of the closet would begin to disappear. Eventually, you (I) would have a wardrobe and a style that felt familiar. It would be ME.

Before starting to sew the black t-shirt, I decided to visit the mall, try on some different styles, and see what was available. At one store I found a plain black t-shirt with an elasticized detail on the sleeve reminiscent of The Curated Tee - $88.00 - that I showed you last Friday from Anthropolgie. This one was on sale for $9.99. I bought it.

Later, I had coffee with a friend who works in the mall and showed her the t-shirt. Her response was so, it's an ordinary t-shirt. She saw it as nothing special and yet I knew the minute I touched it that that t-shirt was ME. The knit is soft, and lingerie-like. It skims but doesn't cling. The cut is clean and simple with drape. The neckline is wider and more flattering than a typical crew neck without excess cleavage on display. A ballerina neckline. It's comfortable. The sleeves add an element of interest and will - as I said Friday - balance the width of my hips. The plain front allows for adornment. It's only flaw is that it's too long and I can fix that especially for $9.99.

Bev wrote a wonderful comment in yesterday's posting. If you haven't read it already, please go back and see the whole of it. In part she wrote... My transition took 18 months just to take shape. 3 years from the beginning, I can finally go into my closet and pull together an outfit that I will enjoy wearing and have all the pieces I need. At first I was appalled at the 3 year rule, but now I think I understand.

THANK YOU for understanding what I meant and for sharing. Besides loving to write, THAT is the reason I blog. To connect with other women and to share. It's comforting to know that I'm not going crazy, that this is a normal passage in time, and that others have experienced or are experiencing what I am. I've never heard of the 3 year rule. Can you tell me more about that please? It makes sense. It takes a long time to buy (or sew) the right clothing and to build up a wardrobe. Of course, I'd rather it had happened yesterday than in 2013 - LOL.

I talked to a few friends about this yesterday and we concluded that it is more about a change in lifestyle than anything else. For us, it seems connected to when the youngest child is finishing school and there is an opening in which to focus on one's self. Some of my friends are younger than I am but their children are older than mine. They had already begun to experience what I am just now talking about and again, like Bev, they made me feel more comfortable in my confusion.

Hatty wrote: I've never been to a high school reunion. But I am interested that you think everyone's number one question is "do you see me, do I matter?" That made me think for quite a while. Is it my number one question? Well, no, it isn't, I decided. Of course, that might be why you blog and I don't. I am not saying my way is better or yours, just that perhaps your number one question may come way down the list for some people. Perhaps someone will do a clickable survey one day!

Actually, it's been done. That's where my comment came from. I was referring to our as the general population and not myself specifically. Statistics and studies document that our number one need is for acceptance and our greatest fear is of rejection.

The phrase "do you see me, do I matter" is one that Oprah uses and says has been a theme through all the interviews she's done over the twenty-five years of her show. While I don't have her experience, in my years of coaching and teaching art, it was easy to see that most people were controlled by fear in some form and if you listen to people talk, it's visible in the comments that we make particularly in times of stress. Comments such as they couldn't even be bothered to phone OR nobody told me OR we weren't invited (while implying that they should have been) all speak of rejection and of not being seen. That said, it is true that not everyone feels that way. It's just that - statistically speaking - more people do than don't.

I am very lucky to have several friends who are supremely confident with themselves and their journey through life. They are filled with a sense of joy and awe and eagerness to see what's over there, what's just around that corner. While tough stuff comes their way, as it does to all of us, they have an innate wonderment that helps them cope in ways that I am just learning. It's not that I'm terribly insecure, it's just that I'm not terribly secure especially in times of transition and in that, I am normal.

What I find intriguing - as near as I can determine - is that these friends are secure in such an inspirational way due to an accepting, encouraging, and embracing childhood. This observation provides a clue. Self confidence is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. It removes, or dissipates, the need for other's acceptance and the fear of other's rejection. It's attractive and well worth growing into by focusing on being our best self - LOL - perhaps in part with a Feel-Good Closet.

On page 35, Kim goes on to say When you wear the clothes that occupy your Feel-Good Closet, you will look and feel better about yourself every time you face the mirror. It simply takes a commitment and an awareness to honor your body by dressing to flatter it. She means our body at any size and at any age, which she talked about earlier. I'd also include at any stage because these transition points in life seem to shake the stability of what we know - at least for me. For just a short space in time, one that feels like forever, they make me feel a stranger in my own skin and then, just as I knew that black t-shirt was ME, I find my way back.

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - great t-shirt find at a great price