What's In Your Closet?

Friday morning, Howard and I were out and returned to a phone message. His mother, who is almost eighty, had fallen and broken her hip. She and his Dad were at their cabin three hours north of us. The nearest hospital was here in Kamloops. Most of the weekend was spent waiting - for her to arrive by ambulance, to get in of and out of surgery, and to see how she was doing. I made a pot of soup, baked cookies, picked up groceries for guests, and packed things for Howard to take to the hospital. I didn't sew. I did read.

I finished The Thoughtful Dresser and started What To Wear For The Rest of Your Life: Ageless Secrets of Style by Kim Johnson Gross. In both, the authors refer to your closet as autobiographical - telling the story of your life. Oh dear! I'm in trouble.

This picture was taken in November 2009 just after I'd cleaned out my closet. With as little as you see, there were still garments I didn't wear. Things aren't much different now. I've gotten rid of a few garments, added a few, and the total sum is neither exciting in numbers nor presentation. In What to Wear, Kim writes I had to re-think the way I had been dressing for the last thirty years. It was time for a fresh start. And she was in the fashion industry!

I find myself wanting something. Fun flirty clothes, a sense of style, confidence in my appearance, a healthy body, to feel as if my clothes and I fit together, that they describe the real me. I want to be - or to at least present myself - differently only I'm not really sure how to describe what exactly it is nor how to attain it, which is a problem because you can't find it if you can't define it. Added to that, I feel as if I can't even look for I'm not able to afford either the learning or the styles. Except, we all get dressed. Is it harder to dress one way than another? Is it about finances or is it more about how I play it safe? I've been debating that question for a while. Yes, finances are an issue but no, they aren't the total picture.

I started working - and therefore buying my own clothes - when I was twelve. I didn't have a lot of money and had to be very practical. Because of that, I learned quite young that while I might yearn for that blouse with the gorgeous fabric and the delightful details, I should buy this one with the bright orange sale tag. I've been doing that ever since. I do it with fabric as well.

Kim also writes I woke up one morning and couldn't believe this was my life. I had turned fifty, sent my youngest daughter to college, closed my business, divorced, and none of my clothes fit. Not only had my life changed, but my body was changing without my permission. How eerily similar. Is this some mid life crisis that all women go through around fifty? As I approach fifty, I find myself feeling rushed. There are so many things I want to do and get to before I run out of time. Most are around making time for me, authenticity, and being my best self.

There are other factors. I live in a small town. I've never been exposed to high fashion and almost no one around here wears it. In some ways, that's a plus because I do a double take at all those prices. This weekend I was looking online at some evening t-shirts. Made of silky fabric and cut on the bias, they were pretty but relatively plain and sold for well over $100.00. The idea that an outfit, consisting of jeans, an evening t-shirt, a jacket, lingerie, jewelry, shoes, and a handbag totalling between five and six hundred dollars, even upward to a thousand, is abhorrent to me, especially if it's throw-away fashion intended for one season only. That's not where I want to spend my money and yet... the look that I like is expensive or at least the feel of it is. Beautiful fabrics cost money whether the garment is already sewn or not. It's a dilemma.

Like Kim, I'm at a point where I need to re-think how I've been dressing. I know what I don't want. I'm not sure what I do want. I thought it would be easier - and faster - although I should give myself a break. I've only been working on the question for less than nine months. Like my closet, my fabric stash is mostly full of what's on sale. I know that I've played it safe with colors and choices but I also know that I've gotten a better feel over time for the fabrics that I'll actually wear. AND... louder than my closet or my fabric stash... my pattern cabinet will tell a story. In it are images of the garments I've been drawn to, yearned for, and not sewn. In it, I may find - if not the answer to my question - a sense of direction. What's in your closet?

Talk soon - Myrna

Grateful - the peacefulness of my front porch